For Better or For Worse – Where in the world are the Alley’s?

Hello, friends!

I have been itching to post again recently, but I couldn’t find the time, energy, or heart to write anything. I wasn’t inspired, I’ve just been exhausted. I finally got my act together and realized that there would never be a perfect time, so why not now?

Let me give you fair warning: I’m under energized, under caffeinated {but currently taking applicants if anyone wants to bring me a non fat, no whip white chocolate mocha or a chocolate chai tea latte…anyone?} and most likely, over-emotional, but here we go:

They say marriage will have good years and bad years, especially when you are first starting out, as you are navigating new territory. When I was told this advice before I got married, I took it out of context. I thought that it meant that you’ll fight a lot during your first few years, you won’t get along, it’ll be hard to adjust. Maybe that’s exactly what they intended by the advice, maybe it wasn’t, but I had several issues with that advice.

First, that’s just not how Charles and I work. We don’t have bad years, we don’t have huge blowout fiths where we quit communicating. We blend, we mesh, we are best friends, how am I supposed to get on board with someone telling me we are about to have bad years? Second, it just seemed like such a pessimistic outlook and point of view, and I didn’t want to believe it could happen.

Our first two years of our almost four year marriage truly were your typical “honeymoon” years, further distancing me from this theory.. Then, the past 14 months happened. First, there was the cancer diagnosis of Charles’ father. They say one of the hardest things to do is to mourn the loss of someone who is still alive, and they are right. It’s hard knowing what is to come. Then, his father passed away, which was a devastating loss. We started recovering, and then the unanticipated loss of our sister in law happened. I truly cannot tell you which is worse, losing someone and knowing it was coming, or losing someone with no warning. Sadly, these are both realities we had to face this year. Next came my mother’s accident.

I finally understand what people meant when they said we would have “bad years.” Not necessarily bad as in fighting and not blending as one person, but more external life factors being thrown upon your marriage. Unfortunately, the way you handle situations that we have been going through have the ability to strengthen or destroy a marriage.

The events of the past 14 months have made our lives more tough. As a married couple, we’ve hardly had any time alone this year. Things haven’t felt normal for a long time, now expecially. Between Charles starting a new business, which has been keeping him busy until late hours, and myself shuffling back and forth between work and the hospital, we see each other in passing lately. It hasn’t been easy. There are nights we don’t see each other at all, sometimes several days in a row. There are many weekends spent apart. There are times when we can’t put each other first. Days when our house is a total wreck, when I can’t make a homemade meal, or when we’ve had no sleep. There have been instances where we can’t make decisions together, and have to trust the other to make the right decision for both of us.

It could have been so easy to let the events occurring around us to push their way into our marriage and to pull us apart, but you see, I actually feel more confident in our marriage now then when we first got married. Now I know that regardless of what life throws our way, we can navigate the troublesome waters together. Why do I feel more confident? Because these have been the hardest times we’ve had to go through, and they’ve still seemed EASY. I love where we are in our life and in our marriage, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

If I can leave you with one piece of advice, it would be that when things in your life seem out of control, and when you are going through stormy waters, remember, your reactions literally have the power to change the outcome of whatever situation you’re going through. Navigate life together.

So in a nutshell, that’s what we’ve been up to. Survival mode! I promise to attempt to keep this page more current on our whereabouts, especially for out of town relatives.

“A man will leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. Therefore what God has joined, man must not divide.”

 

 

 

 

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